why i am so keen to “make something of myself”

Some people have always known that they were going to be a dentist one day. Some people even knew that they were going to be a pop star one day. And some people love nothing more than the office environment and a 9-5.

I’ve never really slotted into any of those groups. I’ve never know how to make myself happy through my career.

Sure, I used to dance around my bedroom as a 10 year old, singing into a microphone and annoying the hell out of whoever was home at the time. But I never really had the talent or drive to be the next Britney Spears.

I can’t ever remember answering the question “what do you want to be when you’re older” with any genuine answer. Nothing concrete. No real passion that I just had to fulfill.

I went through the motions at school, college and university. When A-levels rolled around, I was desperate to do something that wasn’t science, maths or English. My only criteria was to do something that wasn’t academic. So, Travel & Tourism, Leisure Studies and Media Studies led me to a degree in Events Management. Or 3 years learning how to plan parties for the skeptics out there who like to have a dig from time to time lol.

And where does that leave me? Sitting behind a desk dreaming of bigger things, to be quite honest.

But why am I so bloody keen to “make something of myself”? Trying to figure out how to make myself happy. Truly happy. Doesn’t everyone have that burning desire to do something for themselves? Find a way to make money on their own terms? I guess it’s something I’m so passionate about, I can’t understand how anyone has anything else in mind.

Because I feel like there is more to life than churning around in a corporate machine

Office politics. Development reviews. Meetings for the sake of meetings. Doing what other people tell you to do. These things are all slowly driving me crazy. I get that this is life, and trust me I get on with it on the daily, but if I really allow myself to think about these things I find myself wondering what the hell I am doing.

Because I want to love every moment of life

Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. That’s what they say isn’t it? I believe in that though. If my job was something I was absolutely 100% passionate about, I worked in an environment I loved, and on my own terms, I honestly can’t imagine that Sunday night dread.

Because I want to feel good about what I do

I want to feel like I’m making a difference to someone. Yes, I want to make myself a good wage and do something I love for my own sanity, but I also want there to be a good reason for it to. I want to use my skills to make a difference to other people, that’s what feels good.

Because I want to provide for a family one day

And maternity pay just does not cut it lol. Seriously, how on earth is 90% pay for 6 weeks and then £145.18 a week for a further 33 weeks ever going to pay my mortgage, if we were ever able to have a baby? I appreciate that this is a luxury problem to have, and there are people in much worse situations, but I just can’t imagine how I would be able to take any longer than those first 6 weeks out of work. But that’s not practical, because how can you spend 13 hours a day 40 miles away from your 6 week old baby? And that’s the best case scenario that you were able to work right up until the due date.

I’m so driven to find a way to provide for a family, and stay nearby to that family, that I would do almost anything to make a success of myself.

Because I want to see the world

And I want to take the family I dream of on all the adventures. Ross and I have pretty good lives right now. We can afford holidays, go on spontaneous trips, and enjoy a few meals out here and there. I wouldn’t want those lives to change with a family around, so I reckon I’ll need to find a way to bring a few extra pennies into the bank!

How to make myself happy

The problem though? Putting my finger on that thing that I can really drive forward, passionately, to make my own. Figuring out how to make myself happy on a daily basis, through making money off my own back. It’s something I’ve thought about for a long time now, going round in frustrating circles. But, I might just have found an idea. I’m going to work hard. I’m going to think outside of the box. And I’m so bloody determined to make it work.

I would love to know if you can relate to any of this? I’ve loved writing a rambly post, getting all of my thoughts out in words finally…but I feel like I make no sense and would love to hear your thoughts!

How to make myself happy

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