i’m sorry, i’m just a bit rubbish

i’m sorry, i’m just a bit rubbish

Life is busy, right? No matter what stage of life you are at, or what you do for a living, there is always something putting a perceived strain on our time. Pulling at our life balance.

I work 9-5. I’m married. I have split parents. Two siblings. Nephews and a niece. Grandparents. A dog. Friends just around the corner. Friends in different corners of the UK.

I blog. I love interiors. Photography & Instagram. Those are my passions.

I also love sitting on my bum and doing v v little whilst watching pointless television. Or YouTube. I like to have baths. Get my nails done. Slap on the fake tan. Read a book. Go to bed early.

These are all things that I need to fit into my life, and sometimes different aspects need to take priority over others. And that means sometimes I let people down. Or at least, I feel like I do. I’m sorry, I’m just a bit rubbish at fitting it all in. A bit rubbish at getting that life balance just right. But, should I be sorry, or is it all in my head? I constantly put pressure on myself.

It will get to the end of the week and again I’m giving myself a telling off for not calling my grandparents that week, or stopping in to see at least one of my scattered family members. Not being the first in my group of friends to reach out and see who’s available for a catch up. Because if you don’t, reach out first, did it look like you wouldn’t have done it in the first place?

I don’t live nearby to any family on my side. I commute to work, which is about 20 minutes from most of my family, but sometimes I just want to collapse into a heap on the sofa and not talk to anyone after work. I’ve got to collect the dog. Housework that literally must be done (because I’ve already put it off enough). So many reasons. Yes, sometimes those things can wait, but sometimes I just need to get them done for my own sanity. Sometimes, I just need to walk the dog in silence, sing my lungs out to George Ezra all the way home instead of calling someone, or just be at home. But that doesn’t stop me feeling guilty for making those decisions.

I never say no to someone though, when they ask to see me, invite me round, or ask if they can come to me. But then, to be honest, that doesn’t happen all that often, lol. I’m usually the one putting myself out there, or feeling bad because I haven’t. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a bash on anyone who rarely reaches out to me first…maybe they just needed to prioritise a night in, or they needed to slap on the fake tan, or they needed to go to bed early. It does make me think though, maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad for not asking the question first, because maybe they aren’t sitting there waiting for my text and getting annoyed if it doesn’t come.

Am I even making sense? I feel v v waffly with this post. I can’t for one minute imagine anyone relating, but I hope I’m making an ounce of sense.

It would be different if I lived around the corner from everyone I loved. I can picture it now, popping in and out of one anothers home for an hour or so. A quick catch up, something you needed help with, to babysit, or just lend a hand. But I don’t have that, so I need to deal with the life balance I have and stop guilt tripping myself.

3 things I’m trying to get that life balance

Planning months in advance

Even if I haven’t asked that person if they’re free yet, I’m looking ahead to consider which dates I could spend with different groups of family or friends. Setting aside that day, even if only in my own head, allows me to understand how much time I am spending with people, and how often. I’m not much of a spontaneous kinda gal (sadly), so throwing plans at me last minute can be a bit scary. As much as I would love to instantly say yes, and sometimes I do, I feel so much more comfortable when I have at least a bit of planning.

This also allows me to see how many free days I have too, which makes me feel a bit better about my life balance. To see that I’m not rushing around constantly, with a bit of time to play with makes me feel so much more settled. I’m not going to lie though, this whole thing isn’t perfect yet, hence this post!

Stop giving yourself a hard timeĀ 

Everytime you feel bad that you haven’t sent that text, made that call, put that date in the diary, ask yourself…did they? OK, so this is a bit different if you are just the worst at replying, and someone else is trying to get some time with you and hitting a brick wall. But if you are just giving yourself a hard time becauseĀ you didn’t reach out, stop. Maybe you’re both cool with how chill your relationship is, and they actually aren’t sitting at home thinking about how you haven’t text in a while.

See the whole picture

Yes, friends and family are one of the most important things in life. But so are you. So is filling your life with the things that you love to do. If I didn’t get time to write my blog, or take new photos, I wouldn’t feel so fulfilled. As much as you need time with the people you love, don’t underestimate the time you need to just do you.

Please tell me someone related to this! I’d love to know your thoughts.

P.S. You might also like this post, or this one.

life balance

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